Sunday, June 1, 2014

The seventh day




Smudging colors, blending edges, she examines light and shading. Here a face takes shape. There a flower, a tree.

Over the hum of the ventilator, she hears the click of the door. Hey sugar. You need your rest. The lights go out.




29 comments:

  1. The tireless painter and the eternal artist. Sigh, I feel that way sometimes, writing long hours into the night. This was well done!

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  2. Love this one! Your writing paints a lovely picture.

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  3. It's so hard to stop when you're on a role, creating. Vivid imagery here, very nice.

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  4. Superbly poetic, and such a heart-wrenching last line.

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  5. Beautifully suggestive. That's a great end.

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    1. Thank you, Kymm. I guess it is kind of suggestive. Now that it's done, the piece is making suggestions to me instead of the other way around. Hmm.

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  6. This is just lovely, one of the best, if I may say!

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  7. You totally get how to write a good story in 42 words. Nice!

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  8. I like all the references to creation in your word choices. I'm not sure if Sugar is a child or a SO, but I don't think I care.

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    1. I imagined a child, but she certainly doesn't have to be.

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  9. Wow – when I read this it was clear as a bell, in my mind anyway. She was creating faces, flowers, trees, light.
    Then she had to rest. I thought for sure that was because it was the 7th day and on the 7th day she rested.
    Can I keep it this way? Please? I like it like this!

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    1. Yes, of course you can keep it that way. :)

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  10. Vivid imagery .Could feel the post coming live before my eyes.

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  11. OK, I have to chime in! I loved this piece, but I had a completely different interpretation! I read this as: a girl is trapped in a hospital bed, immobile, on a ventilator. Her only escape is imagining faces and other things in the ceiling tiles. I don't know if this is what you were aiming for, but I thought it was brilliant, though I also love that other folks have such different interpretations.

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    1. Thanks, Christine. I wanted to leave it open to interpretation whether she was actually awake and drawing or not. I hadn't thought of the ceiling tiles, but I like that!

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  12. I heard a young artist needing to be told to rest. Makes me think of The Red Shoes, the story of the ballerina who can't stop dancing. A cautionary tale and yet it's a celebration of passion.

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