The Waiter Gene

My friend Karen likes to talk about the waiter gene. Whenever we go out to eat, she'll pass out her judgment: "She's got the waiter gene!" when our server visits our table just the right number of times and speaks with just the right combination of friendliness and politeness. Or, shaking her head, "He doesn't have the waiter gene," when our server doesn't know how to handle a request for no tomatoes.

It's not a novel concept, really, that some people seem better suited for certain jobs than others. I've worked in retail before, and I was awkward. Standing at the counter surveying the customers among merchandise I had no real connection to, I was sure that whatever came out of my mouth would reveal me as an impostor who had no business pretending to know which greeting card would be most suitable for a combination retirement and divorce party. My coworkers, meanwhile, were right at home among the trinkets, as though they really did have it in their genes.

And yet this idea there are things we'll just never do well is in stark contrast with what we learn as children -- that we can be and do anything. Apparently anyone can grow up to be president, but if you want to be a decent waiter, you'd better hit the genetic lottery.

There's truth to both points of view, of course. We all have natural strengths as well as skills we'll have to work hard at if we want to succeed. That's not to say that hard work will always lead to success. I stopped believing that a long time ago. But we owe it to ourselves not to draw too small a circle around the accomplishments we think are in our reach. Certainly I could have learned to sell greeting cards like nobody's business. I could have stuck around long enough to move with ease through the aisles, straightening glass figurines without tripping on the displays. I didn't choose that path, but I could have. Maybe I'd own the store today.

Sometimes we choose not to address our weaknesses when it's not something that's important to us. But what about those things we wish we had accomplished? Those skills and traits we wish we had, but never took the time to develop, instead saying that we were "not cut out for it"? It's easy to say we're no good at something, but it sure doesn't get us anywhere.

I know I have some of those neglected traits, skills, and accomplishments hanging around in the back of my mind. Some of them are big, too big to admit to right now. Some of them are manageable, so I'll start with those. Here's one: I want to be tidy. I don't want to feel like I have to apologize when someone stops by my house on short notice. I want to sit in my home and see order, and have that reflected in my mood. It's not easy for me, but, as silly as it sounds, it's something I want, and I'm going to work on it.

What about you? What goals, big or small, have you let slide because you somehow started to believe that you didn't have it in you?